Hold your own in Bristle conversation.
If they say Sink Ready Bull, you say Nose Snot!
If they are Moron Greyful, just tell them Gob Less.
This glossary of Bristle ranges from medical jargon (Dire Eel) to fast food (Pine Chips), from men's underwear (Wife Runts) to demands for personal space (Levi Loan) - all secretly collected by Dirk Robson with a Sanes Breeze bag over his head.
"These monsters are more numerous in Bristol than in all the West of England."
The Quakers, obviously.
But they weren't a patch on the real thugs.
Nutshell: Bristle - the underground language of Bristol - was discovered by Derek Robinson (a.k.a. Dirk Robson) in 1971, using a bloodhound, a metal detector, and a broken torch. The rest is history.
Darker Side of Bristol (2005)
1973 was a big year for Bristol: 600 years as a city and county! Dancing in the streets! Fireworks! Massive self-congratulation! Bristol, it seemed, had never put a foot wrong. But the truth is that in its 600 years, Bristol generated plenty of bungling and swindling, cock-ups and carnage, ferocity and farce. Just to put the record straight, this book describes a few episodes. Stuff like white slavery before black slavery. Bashing the Quakers. Flip-flopping through the Civil War. Letting the city burn in 1831, and then letting the docks rot for decades. Bristolians today are a fair and level-headed lot. They know their history is like their geography: full of highs and lows. They've bought this book by the truckload - and its contents are as fresh, vivid and surprising now as when it was new. Good pictures, too. Top of Page
In 1971, Derek Robinson (words) and Vic Wiltshire (pix) created Krek Waiter's Peak Bristle, a five-bob funny that claimed to be a glossary of true Bristolian speech. For example: scepticism is expressed as: 'Jew asbestos bleev that?' A familiar threat of violence involves displaying the fist and saying: 'Diesel getty!'
Similarly, 'mince' are short periods of time, while 'munce' are longer periods. You get the idea.
Krek was such a galloping success that it was hotly pursued by Son of Bristle, Bristle Rides Again, Pure Bristle! etc. It seemed that every family in the city had a copy in the loo, yet still more books sold and sold.
After 30 years, a team of researchers from the University of Sodding Chipbury tracked down every bit of Bristle, and the results now appear in two mammoth collections. A Load of Old Bristle takes you into the glottal stop and beyond. Sick Sentries of Bristle is a romp through 600 scandalous years.
Together, they form what in Bristle is called a Grey Tide Eel. Top of Page
"If I told you once, I must have told you hundreds of times - put your old clothes on after Sunday School.
You're up to your eyes in dirt!" Top of Page